I don't get it. I don't get why we put extra unnecessary stress and pressure on ourselves when we already have too much from society? And the best part is we deny it. We say "I lived a happy and satisfied life".... "yeah I can see that.... it's written all over your face." Seriously, how can you say you lived a happy and satisfied life when you expression look worse than that cat?

I remembered  when I was a kid, everyone, including myself, wants to quickly grow up. And as we grow up, some people start finding their own way and some start to lose it. For those who found it, we put heart, effort and time to reach our desired destination. As for those those who lose it, they put heart, effort and time to find it. At certain point in the future, we all came back for reunion. During the reunion, we realize we are no longer the same. We are all at different stage of life and state of mind. Some of us seem to be having a very bright future prospect. Some of us seem just happy to be doing what they're doing. A few of us gain some extra self esteem. A few others are getting more irritating than ever. Then there were some of us were just silent amidst the chattering. Some smile grimly. After the reunion, a few of us became closer and still keep in touch but most of never meet again. But what nobody really knows is when did all these differences start to happen to each of us.

See, even as I'm writing this nonsense I know most likely nobody else other than myself going to read it, I still racking my brain furiously for the right things and words to put it across. Why's that? Honestly, because I feel responsible for what I'm writing and partly, I want to put as undeniable as possible. So if in the worst case scenario, there's one really damn bored person drop by and read this really boring entry, he/she would agree with me or if he/she question, I wouldn't be too badly shot at. But why do I care if what people think about what I wrote? I don't know, because I respect their opinions. "Why?" Why the hell you keep asking me why.... isn't respecting other's opinion is a morale thing to do?

From that lame discussion with myself alone, I already can see many constraints we acquired onto ourselves as we grow up. From where? School teaching, parent teaching, friend's sharing, experience...blah blah and blah. But as to why we oblige to these constraints, I don't know... I guess different people would have different reasons. Take my favorite fairy tale for example. Study hard and you'll succeed. I believe in this fairy tale even until teenage age. That's one damn good fairy tale. We heard this tale more often than any other to the point that we have come to term that it's not an option to not do well in study if you want to succeed. First of all, it's not even a guaranteed that if you study hard you would do well in study.

Some says "no, that's because you haven't studied hard enough"
"Ehhh!? Hard enough but the fairy only say study hard wat."
Some says "It's a fairy tale don't interpret it so literally. The term study hard is relative. Depending on your intelligence, you need to determine how hard you need to study."
"huuuhh?? wat..? So you mean if I study hard, I also won't succeed?"
Some says "No! that's not what I meant. Aiya! don't think too much just go study."

I haven't questioned the fairy tale till one fine day when I suddenly realize sth very shocking. I don't know anybody who study hard and succeed. On the contrary, I know quite a number who didn't study hard and succeed. Then when I share it I got immediately shot with a very expected question:

"how do you know they succeed?"
"Because they're super rich."
"Success is not defined by wealth!"
"Then what is success."
"Success is how happy and satisfied you're with your life and how much you've achieve with your life."
"Eh? like that means study hard doesn't make me succeed wat.. you see.. when I study hard, I'm stressed. When I'm stressed I'm not happy and not satisfied because I cant eat properly and don't enjoy anything."
"No! That's not what I meant. Aiya! don't think too much just go study."

Why does the conversation always end up like this? Anyway, back to what I was saying. What I am trying to pull out from this example is the fact that a lot of these constraints that we put on ourselves before we say/act sometime are justifiable. There's no reason for us to feel inferior of people doing better than us in study. There's no reason for us not to share out note and teach our lousier friends. And it's absolutely not logical for us to worry and burn our brain to thinking about how bad we performed in exam and what are all the bad consequences are going to follow through. In fact, if we have so much time to worry about all these things, we could use this time to go have fun and find alternatives to the various consequences that we think are going to come by. As simple as that.

Shit! I think I over crapped.... okay to be continued....